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 Sins Kiss - A novel

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Upsidaisy
Vernon Dursley


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Join date : 2011-02-25

PostSubject: Sins Kiss - A novel   Sat Feb 26, 2011 4:07 pm

I'm writing on a novel, called "Sins Kiss". It's really not a romantic novel, or at least not yet. It's actually a vampire-novel, but no sparkly-humanlike-vampires, no, this are more like the original vampires.

Here it comes, the first 2 chapters, and I've posted them on dA before, but I want to post them here too.
(I put them in spoilers)

Spoiler:
 

And chapter 2:

Spoiler:
 



Last edited by Upsidaisy on Sat Feb 26, 2011 4:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Allysmurfy
I wear no Wings
I wear no Wings
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Location : Hell
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PostSubject: Re: Sins Kiss - A novel   Sat Feb 26, 2011 4:13 pm

Her red hair was dancing down her shoulders. The fire lit up her face and the white skin glistened. She calmly walked down the road her slim but strong body moved fast. If you didn't notice the wild and animalistic way she went on, you probably wouldn't be able to separate her from a human.

She sniffed around her, her light brown hair surrounded her thin neck, and the moon lit her face up. Her body were slim and model-like. Even though the moon should have made an shadow, it just didn't exist.


I'm confused about this? Are they to different people? Also the rest of the chapter was hard to read because when you used dialogue you didn't enter, and the paragraphs were a little bit to big. This does sound intresting though, and I'm going to continue this wonderful new vampire book.

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Upsidaisy
Vernon Dursley


Posts : 6
Join date : 2011-02-25

PostSubject: Re: Sins Kiss - A novel   Sat Feb 26, 2011 4:20 pm

It's a different paragraph, so the last is Iriam, and the first is Aletta. I'll edit it, so the dialogue looks more normal!
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Scottie
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PostSubject: Re: Sins Kiss - A novel   Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:10 pm

I like it! It's good! However I do agree with what BWD has said, and also at one point I think you meant to say 'care' but you spelt it 'cre'

It is good Smile

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