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 Talking to Him

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Allysmurfy
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PostSubject: Talking to Him   Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:49 am

This is made up of two stories that I put together. I meant for the change in tenses. I may have missed some italics and I meant to be vague.]

Him

The wind shifted in the night, blowing the dead leaves around my feet, and making some more fall, to the cold, dirty ground. This is the pathway I walk on, to escape. This is where I run away from it all, my thoughts, especially about him.

What if he found me this way? A mess, walking alone in the forest at night; he would probably raise an eyebrow, then I would turn before he could see my blood rising to my cheeks.


A cloud drifted by, she had been watching it, trying to distract herself, and as usual it wasn't working. Why couldn't something work in her life? Just once, why does he make me feel this way? Why do I feel this way? Her thoughts were starting to get out of control.

Stumbling over to a tree she leaned her head on the cold rough bark; and took a deep breath. Her eyes half closed she watched her breath escape her mouth and flout upwards, towards the stars; he was always fascinated by the stars.

God! Why did all my thoughts revolve around him? Why is he in my head every second? She took another deep breath, and pushed herself away from the tree; away from her thoughts.

She was running, it took all her thought process to keep herself from stumbling, it made her stop thinking about Him. She fell, her mind was filled with questions and thoughts about Him and soon she would get a head ache.

She missed a stick, the thing was lying in the middle of the path, how had she missed it? It was because of Him. That boy-no man? Argh! He acted so childish sometimes! And now because of him her knee was hurt.

She would have to talk to him soon, but not know, not tonight; tonight she would run. She would run as wild as the wind and as fast as storm, until morning came. Until he came with his charming smile, and his acts of tomfoolery, they would talk; or she would try to. She might skip the talk, and go straight for the kiss.

Yes, that's what she would do.

Talking, the continuance to Him

Time had passed slowly, and now she watched as the sun gradually melted its way into the sky. The rays of light streaked out against the darkness, and created columns of warmth. She lay there on the green dew covered grass as the sun melted into the brightening sky. She watched as the stars disappeared, and the sky turned blue.

It would be now or never, she would have to go back now. She would have to talk to Him. No not talk, act. She almost dreaded what he would say-or do. A strange excitement filled her, she already had a plan and she would stick to it. She picked herself up. The damp moist ground and clung to her cloths and had started seeping into bones. A small drop of water fell from her nose; it reminded her of another time.

He was there; his arms encircled her holding her. She was warm in his arms; the cloth of his shirt rubbed against her cheek. Her still wet hair dripped slowly onto him, still he didn't move.

The thought made her warm now as she walked through the wet woods. Then he had gone too far…No she wouldn't think about that now. She had already forgiven him. It wasn't his fault…she delicately made her way through the still green trees, she would stop thinking. She would start acting. She came upon the clearing the one where he had held her.

All her thoughts stopped when she saw him, he was already there. He was sitting on a log, looking at her. Her mouth dropped open a little, then she closed it had took a deep breath. He started to talk. No! She wasn't her to talk! She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to hear his excuses. She started moving forward.

The gap between them closed with every footfall she took. Soon he stopped talking and stood up. The wind gusted through the clearing whipping at their hair; making the last drops fall from the trees. Soon, but not soon enough they were face to face.

Maybe she should have listened to what he had said, and then maybe she could have stopped what happened next. What happened when he kissed her; she didn't notice anything else. His lips stopped moving, only forming one last farewell. As he tumbled to the ground dead, the knife sticking out of his chest, she stood over him. Crying silently, he was gone. She should have talked, not acted. She should have listened, and now he was dead by his own hand.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Do you think I should write a third?

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:44 am

Very good! A little short, but I can't talk at all.

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Allysmurfy
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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:49 am

That is why I was thinking about making a third.. it would be the end and maybe I could try another POV. But I ran into the problem, what would I do? Then an idea stuck me, but I don't know if I want to do it. It could ruin the whole thing.

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:44 am

Woah Ally, i've never seen you write like that before. It's really really good, but I do think a third would help wrap it up Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:59 pm

I agree with Dom. It's not often that we see you writing like that... but it's good! I think a third would be best, otherwise you're sort of... without a definite ending. Also, other POVs are good. Whenever my writing is too short I always switch POVs. It's more fun that way.

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:51 pm

So whats my writing normally like? Wink I think I will.

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Wed Dec 22, 2010 4:37 pm

Well, I don't really know. Just the way in which you wrote this story was completely different to how otehrs i've seen, such as your Alex Rider fanfics.

Your 'voice' in Talking to Him is very solemn, and you have used the technique of repetition to great effect. Your Alex Rider stories, comparatively, focus greatly on what is going on and what it looks like as opposed to what the people may be feeling.

I suppose the greatest difference was that here you were the person, and the entire focus was on what you were thinking, and what you were feeling. The tone was generally just of such a different nature you can't blame us for being surprised(:

Dom
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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:01 pm

Dominator wrote:
Well, I don't really know. Just the way in which you wrote this story was completely different to how otehrs i've seen, such as your Alex Rider fanfics.

Your 'voice' in Talking to Him is very solemn, and you have used the technique of repetition to great effect. Your Alex Rider stories, comparatively, focus greatly on what is going on and what it looks like as opposed to what the people may be feeling.

I suppose the greatest difference was that here you were the person, and the entire focus was on what you were thinking, and what you were feeling. The tone was generally just of such a different nature you can't blame us for being surprised(:

Dom

First I would love to point that this post is great, you explained everything in great detail. And second thank you, I think I might try a few other stories like this.

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:45 pm

I'm starting on it now, I think you will like this very much. Still thinking of a title...

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:01 am

Excuse me Ally, was that a double post?

Anyway- I'm really looking forward to this third instalment. If you give us an idea of what this one is focused on, I can offer some title suggestions if you like.

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:06 am

Never Again.

And that is all you are getting.

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PostSubject: Re: Talking to Him   Mon Feb 28, 2011 1:23 am

Yes, I'm double posting. I am going to give you all some more details about how I want the next part of the story to go, because over the past two months, I've been in the condition where I don't wait to right anything just read. So here's some information about how I want this to continue

Title-Never Again. So the full title would be Never Talking to Him Again.
Point of View 1-My first option would be from Him's point of view, and basically redo talking in his point of view and then a little into what happened when he dies.
Point of View 2-Her point of view, and what happens when He kills Himself.
Emotions-love, and despair, saddest, and hope, regret.
length- I want to make this one quite large, probably one and half of Talking length(if that makes sense?)
Progress so far- I've written a paragraph or two for both of them a trashed 'em I can't seem to find something I've liked.

So I need your help with other ideas I may have looked over and inspiration.

~Ally

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